you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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