Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck appropriateness.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
