your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
