After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
