I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
