All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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