I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
