dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
