watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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