hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
