Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
