It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
