dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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