I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
