I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
