Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
