I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
