just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
