So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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