Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I FOUND THE LEGS
God I need to hump something, right now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
