Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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