I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
