I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
