I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
