I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
