He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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