dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
