Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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