I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
