Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
