I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
