you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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