"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
