I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
