i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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