Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
