I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
