Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
