I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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