Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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