Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
