I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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