I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
