my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
