He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just invented taco cereal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
