yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
