Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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