That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
