I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
