either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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