Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
