You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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