ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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