They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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