The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
