I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
