I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
