I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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