worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
