I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
