he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
