After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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