I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
