She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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