you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
