You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
