If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize