so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
