i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
